Feel It In Your Bones
by JasperWhiteWolf
Summary: AU!BeChloe in which Beca is a gender-queer lead singer for a band and has just transferred to Barden. It will follow any adventures prompted to me or that I think up for these two.
1. Chapter 1

The little hole in the wall bar was the perfect location for Chloe Beale's night. She needed a night to herself, a night with zero thoughts of the start of school and everything that her last official year at Barden University could mean. Aubrey had been on her about getting things read for the Bellas, making sure they would come back from last year. Though the blonde was her best friend and she understood her woes about their performance last year, she really wished Aubrey would start to move past it so they could enjoy their final real year as Bellas. It was the night before the freshman and transfer students moved into the dorms so tomorrow they would start handing out fliers for the Bellas and would continue to do so the entire week until classes started. They had a month or so before actual try-outs but with the need for everyone having the same song when wanting to go for it, they needed to be prepared. This was her own personal prep.

The red head could only take so much real life, she just needed a night of loud music and nothing else. The bar was perfect and had quickly become her own little music hide-away when she needed it. It was a bar but it felt more like a very relaxed coffee shop, couches littered the floor instead of personal chairs and tables and the stage was right off the bar which made it nearly impossible to ever miss any bands. It was a little misleading to many, though, since most bands that played there were pretty intense. Not always but there were usually some pretty intensely loud nights. Chloe loved it, the small space was comforting and the music reverberated through her completely. She loved to dance but sometimes she just needed to get lost in the space. Though some nights she completely let go and joined the bodies jumping in the spaced between the bar and the couches.

This night seemed prepped to be good, the bartender grinning at her as soon as she walked in the door. She was early and knew no one would be playing for another hour but she just couldn't wait any longer. Taking a seat, she watched the prep work for the bands and sipped at a water. The Hole, aptly named if you asked her, would be filled soon if the name of the band playing that night was any indication. It stuck her because the band name was nothing. There was no name, simply identifying art and the picture of a black X plastered over a skeleton mouth. The flyer on the bar didn't name the band either, just that art again but this time in all kinds of colors. It was a little confusing but it was also something Chloe really enjoyed.

Any band that would do that kind of thing was already pretty cool in her eyes. Plus the members were setting their own equipment up and they seemed to be a nice bunch. She recognized a few of them, realizing they were incredibly local a few moments later. These were Barden people. The realization normally would have made her pout a little, not even able to escape the school here, until one of them turned around and smiled right at her.

Chloe was transfixed almost immediately. The ripped jeans, the boots, the tank top and flannel pairing, the jewelry that sparkled against her skin. Brunette hair rippled down and out from a black that Chloe's hands suddenly itched to touch. Their eyes met for a fleeting moment and she swore the air was sucked from the room. Lips quirked up before she turned around again and she felt as thought she regained control of her lungs. That girl was gorgeous but not someone she'd ever seen at Barden, she would have remembered her. Settling a hand over her heart, Chloe slid out of her seat and walked over to the bar to get a drink and possibly a glance at that girl.

"Kori... Who is that?" The bartender looked up at the red head and grinned, she knew immediately that Chloe would lock onto that damn singer. Ever since she'd started working at the bar, thanks in part to Chloe, Kori had been looking out for the red head and they'd become pretty quick friends. As soon as the band walked in and she saw that girl, she knew Chloe would be in deep before she even realized it.

"Tonight, she is Beca Mitchell." The confusion must have been extremely apparent on Chloe's face because Kori was quick to continue. "She sometimes goes by Bec and prefers to be called he. Not all the time though." That didn't seem to help things and so Kori tugged one of the flyers down for her to point out the little name under Beca's picture. "Really, she doesn't care for either pro-noun but, to make things easier on her fans, she just picks one per show. Depends on how she's feeling that day really, I suppose."

Chloe had her head tilted slightly, brow furrowed as she processed this. The Hole had opened her world view a lot, as well as her time in Barden, but this was something slightly new. "So she's... a-gender?"

Kori's resulting laughter from that statement caused the confusion to dissipate and a pout to form instead. "You really don't know these guys? They're The Invisibles. The guys formed together when they couldn't seem to get noticed anywhere in High School and Beca joined them sometime after. The band is pretty big around here since they kind of just showed up awesome and Beca is so openly gender-queer." Chloe figured Kori knew so much about these things being bi-sexual herself, the bartender was also always big on digging up info on every band that came by.

"So gender-queer... got it." She was obviously still a little lost so Kori shook her head and gave her a vodka sour.

"Why don't you just ask her and find out about it yourself. Maybe not at once though, the band lives in town. Why not ask her on a date." Chloe's eyes widened at that and Kori's laughter was back in action, though she shot the redhead a wink when she rolled her eyes and walked back to her couch.

Ask her on a date, seriously? She just barely looked at the girl and she wanted her to ask her on a date. Instead, Chloe chose to spend the remaining time before the band went on just watching them put up the equipment and goof around. Each time Beca's laughter rang out or she heard a little bit of a soft tune coming from the stage, Chloe's eyes would immediately lock onto the girl's face as she took in her expressions. She quickly realized that the more people there were, the more serious Beca got.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Chloe sat forward in her seat as the band got prepared. She didn't know what to expect but her jaw dropped when she saw a boy she recognized as a Treble Maker take the microphone next to Beca. They seemed to smirk at the same time only Beca's eyes seemed to seek Chloe out once more, that smirk turning into something a little nervous when she smiled at her.

The music sank in immediately and Chloe was blown away when the Treble started to scream lyrics into the mic. It wasn't what she expected from them but definitely what she expected from The Hole. She had to admit she liked it from the get go, not that she would let Aubrey let on that she liked an immense amount of music the blonde rolled her eyes at. Then Beca opened her mouth to sing the other parts and Chloe knew she was a goner. The voice that came from her was amazing.

"Keep me close, keep me close,  
Keep my head above water,  
I need to hear your voice,  
I can't do this on my own.."

The first song ended way to quickly for Chloe's liking and for the rest of the night she was locked onto that damn brunette, her voice sliding around her and keeping her hostage. They went from that intense first song to something a little easier and by the end of the night, they were into a mixture of intense and calming songs. It wasn't a set list she was used to but she loved it and found herself hoping they would be back soon.

Being three vodka sours down by the end of the set list, and how own courage ever present in these situations, Chloe marched right up to the stage as they were cleaning up equipment and went straight to Beca. Most of the other patrons had already left, leaving the band alone with Chloe, Kori, and three other random stragglers. Sticking her hand out for the brunette, Chloe had to smile at the nervous and almost shocked look on her face. "Hi! You guys were awesome! Do you always do set lists like that? Please, tell me you do because it was really something amazing! I hope you guys come back here more, I'd really like to see more of you.. And the band too." The stunned look she was getting from Beca made her realize she forgot something. "Oh! My name's Chloe, Chloe Beale. I go to Barden University and kind of live here when I'm not stuck over there."

That seemed to snap Beca out of it, a little smile quirking the corner of her lips even though her eyes were still a little wide. "Beca Mitchell. Lucky you, I just transferred to Barden. Though don't expect to see me around a lot, I'm really just going there because my dad is paying for all of it and he said he'd help the band out if I attended university." The words just seemed to blurt out from Beca and even her band mates seemed shocked she let out that much information in one go. "I uh.. We're going to play here pretty often since it's so close and it's really nice here." Chloe got a shrug there but she was still a little taken by that voice, just speaking Beca's voice was as amazing as it was when she was singing.

"Oh please, I'll see you around!" Chloe tugged on Beca's hand when she realized she hadn't actually let it go after the initial hand shake, the fact that Beca didn't either giving her a pleasant warm sensation in her chest. The brunette stumbled a little closer and it was Chloe's turn to smirk as she leaned in close to her ear and whispered. "I think we're going to become very close friends."

* * *

**this prompt was submitted to me for a gender-queer Beca with a band and not much else! I loved the idea though so this AU! is going to be BeChloe and it's going to be in one-shots most likely, though they will obviously form a story for them. If you want to send me any prompts for this universe, please do! It would be great to know what you would want. **

**The song used is The Sinner by Memphis May Fire**

**also, I want to add in a little note here that I myself am gender-queer. I am in no way a gender expert but I do tend to go with what I explained up there when dealing with pro-nouns. I don't care either way, I tend to be fairly androgynous in the way I dress and only really use the he or she pro-noun for simplicity when working with other people so that's how I'm going to write her since that's my experience.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I know this is out of order, these probably will follow ZERO order but I will tell you when they happen in this little section here. Basically I'm gonna write what ideas come to me about this universe. Sorry if it's a little confusing! Also sorry this took so long, I restarted it 3 times and ended up writing it while visiting my parents in Florida. Also, I will be using she and he for writing Beca, it should be clear why but it's mostly because I wrote this using they and some other neutral pronouns and it was incredibly awkward so I'll just be using she/Beca and he/Bec as they fit into the chapters. Thanks~**

**This takes place a month after they start dating.**

* * *

It wasn't weird for Beca to wake up feeling like she was in the wrong body for her state of mind anymore. She never really cared for a label, not wanting to place anything other than lesbian lead singer on her forehead. It wasn't so much that she wanted to be a boy or that she wanted to be a girl, it was more that she didn't like either. She always felt like a mix of the two, leaning towards one or the other on occasional days. Over the years she found it easier to just tell her friends whether to call her Beca or Bec so that they knew what she wanted to feel more like. When she was feeling neutral, she preferred they but would go by she and then certain days she wanted definite he pronouns. To her it was simple but her old friends never caught on very well. Her family never caught on at all. So when she moved a little out of her home city after high school, she found it was a lot easier but she was nowhere near happy. After a year of mostly skipping class and bailing for road trips to work with a band she had fell into her senior year, her dad basically begged her to attend his university to get an actual education. Really, he just hated that she hated him and wanted back in her good graces. Free schooling, free apartment, and the possibility of him helping the band out a lot after graduating and Beca was enrolled in Barden University.

Really, it was perfect for her. She was in the same school as one of her band mates, the others having dropped out or going to the local school, and she didn't have to pay a thing. Any money she got from their gigs went to equipment and whatever the hell she wanted. It was a sweet deal, one she knew her dad was only giving her to try to work his way back into her life, and it only got sweeter when she met Chloe at one of her gigs. The redhead had her stumbling over her tongue and acting like a nervous teen boy ever since she first spoke to her. They met up for coffee the next day on what she called planned coincidence, her band mates having ratted her out to Chloe so she could meet her there. They spoke for hours, about music and school and everything they could really think of. Beca listened to everything Chloe said and Chloe understood everything Beca told her about herself. When they left the shop, Chloe had asked when the second date would be with a sly little wink and Beca knew she was a complete goner. It took a few days for the next date but it went even better than the unplanned first. Two weeks and four dates later and Beca asked Chloe to be her girlfriend, the response of finally and an armful of the redhead who was peppering her face with kisses, everything just seemed to be going her way.

Then that morning she woke up feeling that itch, her skin seemed like it wasn't her own and she rubbed her face with a slightly aggravated sigh. Chloe knew she was gender-queer or gender-fluid, knew that she had a system of pronouns, and that she sometimes had days where she really didn't feel like much of either or way to much of one. She had just never had a preferred day around her. So far, the past few weeks she'd been feeling fairly neutral and Chloe had accommodated her with using she pronouns but also sometimes just using her name or using they. It was sweet and comforting, knowing she understood, but this was a little different. This was one of her Bec days.

It was like shedding that false skin, looking into the mirror and seeing someone that fit. Going into the closet, he rummaged until he found his binder. It was one of the few accepting things his mother had given him. She was trying and it helped when she gave him things like this but unlike his father, she wanted to try at a distance, not ready to fully accept it all. Pulling the garment on and fitting it as comfortably as possible, he pulled on one of their band t-shirts and ripped jeans. Throwing his hair up into a pony tail, he pulled a batman snapback on over top of it as well. Mostly satisfied, Bec rubbed his hands nervously against his jeans. He was the same person, exact personality and the way he acted was the same, he just needed to be a boy that day. His skin didn't feel like it didn't fit any more and with a gulp, he texted Chloe that he'd meet her for lunch as usual.

Saturdays were their usual meet up day. They spent the week together as much as possible but the weekends were completely theirs. The past month they met up for lunch on Saturdays and spend the day relaxing together or going to one of the bands gigs while Sundays were spent studying. It was a routine they fell into easily and Bec absolutely loved it. Chloe liked all the time spent together as much as he did and she made sure he knew it, not liking that Bec sometimes worried he was overly clingy. Badass Bec to most but alone with Chloe, he was a bit of a mush. It was the same with the band, he acted more like himself around the band and was a lot more relaxed. In public, it just paid off for him to seem a little badass, it kept people from bullying him like they used to.

Since Bec tended to sleep in on the weekends, they met for lunch instead of any earlier, Chloe realized quickly that dragging him out of bed early never seemed to work. Grabbing his phone and his wallet, Bec ran out of the apartment to make sure he met Chloe on time. As nervous as he was, he didn't like being late when it came to Chloe. She never seemed to mind it much but he still felt bad when she had to wait on him. Getting to the little diner just off campus, he walked the last bit to catch his breath before slipping in the door. Chloe was sitting in their usual booth, back to the door as she flipped through her phone. Nervous smile firmly in place, he walked up behind her and slid his hands over her eyes.

"Now who could that be, hmm?" Chloe's voice rang clear even in the noise of the place and it made Bec's smile lose a little of it's nervous nature, instead turning into something a little softer. Her hands slid up to cover his, gently taking his fingers away and tilting her head back to look at him. "Well now, it appears to be my diner date." The playful grin that was sent his way made his heart do a funny little flip as he leaned down to give Chloe a kiss.

"I do appear to be the lucky date." Giving her another kiss, he moved to sit beside her in the booth, flushing with an even wider smile when Chloe immediately tucked into his side. They'd spent the better part of the last two days apart, it was nice to be so close together. "Though I'm going by a different name today." He swallowed a little hard, one hand nervously tapping his knee as Chloe took in his appearance for the day.

"So I finally get to see a day where you go by simply Bec, huh?" Truthfully, Chloe had been curious when Beca told her about the gender fluidity. Still, she'd only seen her neutral usual. Going by she but dressed fairly androgynous, this was the only time she'd seen him wearing the binder and going by Bec.

"Yep. Is that.. okay?" He tried to sound nonchalant, like it was no big deal, and failed miserably.

Chloe already knew this was something Bec was worried about and she could see the staff eyeing them, noticing how differently he was dressed that day. They were there a lot during the week for snack breaks and they showed up every Saturday for lunch. One of the waiters even glared at Chloe, as if he were accusing her of cheating on Beca when really he was sitting right next to her. "I want you to kiss me again."

The request took him a little by surprise but after just a moment of hesitation, he leaned in for another light kiss, one that was deepened when Chloe's hand reached up to pull him in by the back of the neck. Smiling against her lips, he took a second to just savor the moment when she pulled back.

"There's my Bec." Slightly confused, he looked up to catch her eyes. "It's still you, you're still mine. It doesn't matter if you go by my boyfriend or my girlfriend, Bec or Beca, you're still you. You're still mine."

It was one of those moments where bubbly Chloe was so calm and grounded that it blew Bec away, made him really appreciate each and every second he got with her. This moment he felt all the way to his bones, no one had ever acted like this. They usually treated him differently each time they saw him, even his friends treating him a little different when he went by Bec. There was a light tremble in his bottom lip, just the lightest movement and Chloe immediately was pulling him in for a little kiss. He pressed into her, feeling her arms wrap around him, warm and comforting. Tucking into her, he smiled when Chloe started humming in his ear. "Thank you."

"For what?" Once again, Chloe kept her voice soft, knowing this moment was important.

"For being you, for being amazing." Bec felt Chloe chuckle softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek as she pulled away enough to tilt his head up to look into her eyes.

"You deserve everything I can give and more, you know." Leaning in, she settled her forehead against his. "I'm happy whether you feel like Bec or Beca, as long as you're happy with who you are that day."

Nudging his nose against hers, Bec smiled and ran his hands through her hair. "I'm happy when I'm with you." Feeling the eyes around them centered on them, he squirmed a moment before pulling back, much to Chloe's amusement. "So.. Lunch?" The laughter that rang out of her at Bec's slight blush at the eyes around them made him forget his embarrassment for a moment, his attention completely locked on Chloe. Really, she was all that mattered there anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**This wasn't the chapter I told you guys about on Tumblr... I don't know if I'm gonna post that one, it ended up weird. This was a quick write up to give you something since I told you I had something started~ Also this is basically just because I wanted to write sleepy cuteness. Sorry it's not the best!**

**dating for 6 months**

* * *

The apartment was dark when Beca slipped through the door, sighing when she noticed only the kitchen light was on. She had been playing a gig at The Hole that Chloe had missed. It was a Thursday night, Beca only had one class at two on Fridays so she didn't have a problem with staying out until three in the morning playing at the little bar. Her girlfriend, however, had a test bright and early Friday morning. Chloe was stressing about it all, having studied her ass off to make sure she got a high mark on this test since this was her worst class. Music History was killing her, mostly because of all the dates. Chloe could tell you who wrote what even if they didn't get the credit but the dates and times of things threw her off. That and the class was so boring that she didn't always end up going or she'd forget the homework. This test was big for the redhead so Beca had basically forced her to stay home from the gig to get one last night of studying in.

She had hoped to get in before too late but there was a large crowd and they ended up playing well past midnight, The Hole staying open until two on most nights. Quietly slipping off her coat, she kicked her shoes off to the side and padded to the kitchen. One water bottle and a plate of re-heated pizza later and she was plopped in front of the TV to eat before bed.

Twenty minutes later, she was nodding off on the couch with an empty plate on the coffee table in front of her. There was a shifting behind her and just as she started to turn her head to see what it was, she had her arms full of Chloe.

"Well hello there, Red." The grin that had plastered itself onto her face as soon as she felt her girlfriend's warmth faltered a little when she caught how tired she really looked. All week Chloe had been studying her ass off, her history test was not the only one she had that day. Even in the dim light of the TV, Beca could see the circles under Chloe's eyes and felt the way her hand just gently held onto her shirt, not clutching it to prevent any escape like usual. Her girlfriend was working her ass off this semester but it was taking it's toll on the bubbly redhead. Placing a soft kiss to the top of her head, her smile returned and softened when Chloe let out a content little sigh and buried even more into her arms.

"You smell like boy." Nuzzling in more, Chloe gave her a little kiss to her chest. "Also, hello to you too, Rockstar."

Rolling her eyes at the muffled response, Beca just nodded and set her chin on top of Chloe's head, her hands moving to rub her back. "I put my body spray on today, that's why." When she hit a particularly tense spot, Beca felt Chloe squirm a bit before relaxing as she focused her motions. "Sorry I didn't get here till now. We had to drop shit off at the apartment before I could come over here, the boys didn't want to leave the equipment."

"It's okay, you're here now." There was obviously something on Chloe's mind, her voice a lot clearer in that moment than it was a second ago. Tilting her head down, Beca gave the top of her head another kiss as encouragement. "I know your dad is paying for the apartment but it's become mostly the boys place, right? They all moved in when they realized the whole band would be able to live there."

"Yea, that's right." Beca was slightly confused but figured this would end up in a good point.

"Well why don't we make it a little more permanent. Like actually make it a thing."

At this point, Beca was grinning wide at what Chloe was asking, even if her girlfriend was asking her in the most awkward way. "Go on."

Chloe gave a bit of a groan, squirming even closer as Beca caught sight of her flushing cheeks. "Beca." It was a little pleading and she almost gave in, almost. "Will you just move in with me?"

Her grin grew even more, eyes going a little misty as she tilted Chloe's head up to catch her gaze. "Of course I'll move in with you, Red. I was systematically moving my shit in anyway, just biding my time until you finally asked me." At the look she got, Beca just laughed and gave her girlfriend a kiss. "I've been dropping huge not so subtle hints that I wanted to just move in for a while, baby, I just didn't want to push it. You needed to ask me when you were ready."

At that, Beca was smacked lightly on the shoulder and then attacked with kisses, Chloe laughing a little at the situation. "You're telling me I could have just told you to move in with me a month ago when you first took over my spare dresser?" Beca simply nodded, smirk firmly in place. "Wow, I was oblivious wasn't I?"

"A little bit." Chloe gave a little yawn, tucking her head down on Beca's shoulder now that she had the answer to the question that had been predominantly on her mind. Shifting her a little bit in her arms, Beca flipped off the TV and slid off the couch, Chloe kept safely in her grasp. The redhead gave a happy little squeak, hands clutching her shirt. "Let's go to bed, Chloe, get some sleep and then you can go rock your tests. This weekend we can start moving my shit in, though most of it is already here."

"Good plan." The answer was soft, breathed against her skin as she easily moved into the bedroom and set Chloe down on the bed.

Changing into clothes that didn't smell like a bar, Beca slid into bed and immediately had Chloe curling up into her arms. "I love you, Red."

Smiling sleepily, Chloe was finally able to fall asleep comfortably with a whispered, "I love you too, Beca"


	4. Chapter 4

"Chloe, I can do it."

A smirk was firmly on those lips that had Beca transfixed in the mirror, her body breaking into goosebumps as those hands skimmed down along her arms. She was trying, oh so valiantly, to seem cool and confident in front of the other Bellas. In front of all those girls she still kept her walls so high against. Aubrey was watching their interaction closely as she worked with the other girls, knowing just how much Chloe likes to distract Beca under the guise of helping her work out the dance steps.

"Maybe." That voice was teasing, the redheads eyes sparking with mischief. It was a look that sent heat through Beca even as she sighed. "That doesn't mean I can't help you do it even better."

Fighting a smirk herself at the playful wink Chloe sent her in the mirror, Beca nodded and let her go through the dance once again, trying to ignore the way she was trailing her fingers across her skin and pressing butterfly kisses to her neck. It was the light breathy moan that the brunette didn't think anyone would catch that seemed to send Aubrey over the edge with her frustration.

"Alright! Since we've already been here for a while and some of us can't seem to focus." The blonde's cold gaze softened a bit at the sheepish smile Chloe sent her, though Beca was all flashy grin. "Let's just relax for a while, we can pick up rehearsals tomorrow. You're all actually improving very well." The pride in Aubrey's voice was evident though she still had a slightly annoyed look at having to dismiss them early for lack of focus.

"Hey, Captain." Beca brought all eyes to her a second later as she spoke out and slipped her arms around Chloe's waist, pulling her willing girlfriend into her. "Mind if I text the guys for a spontaneous band practice? We could put on a little show and order food and just have a little pre-victory party."

Aubrey's eyes narrowed as she took in Beca's stance, obviously relaxed and yet still kind of hiding behind a smirking Chloe who was attempting to hide her phone. With a suffering groan, she rubbed her temples. "They're already waiting outside with instruments and pizza aren't they?"

"Yep." Beca popped the end of her response, grinning wildly even as she shrunk behind her girlfriend a little bit.

"Fine! Since we're all here anyway, we may as well have some kind of music going on." The blonde turned around in a huff, keeping her aggravated facade up while fighting a tiny smile quirking her lips.

Letting out a little sound of victory, Beca shot the boys a text so she could stay attached to Chloe, the band moving into the space fairly ungracefully moments later. Tilting her head up, Beca kissed the curve of Chloe's ear, reveling in the contented little sigh she gave while settling even more into her hold. "What should we sing, Red?" Her voice was low, soft, as if she were seducing her with a simple question.

The reaction was immediate, a shiver trembling through Chloe as an almost silent gasp slipped past her lips. Swallowing thick, she tried to gather her wits while Beca's fingers slipped ever so slightly under the hem of her top to tease a faint sliver of skin. "I-I don't know. You could.. Oh." She stopped abruptly when Beca's lips hit her neck, teeth dragging ever so slightly over her quickening pulse.

Beca could feel the quiver in Chloe's body, smirking against her skin as she simply rested there after her girlfriend couldn't seem to gather her wits with her teasing. "I could what?"

Turning in the smaller girl's arms, Chloe caught her eyes, immediately smiling at how Beca seemed to soften at the sight of the slightly shy expression on her face. "You could play for me. The one you've been working on that I haven't heard yet. I know why you wrote it and I want to hear it. Please?"

Biting her lip, Beca nodded slowly. She knew just the song, the one she'd written when she'd experienced a night terror with Chloe. Something she'd never wanted to experience, seeing that terror stricken across her normally happy girlfriend's face. They didn't happen as often as they could, Chloe telling her all these tricks she had for helping. The only reason it had happened at all was the fact that she had been missing so much sleep, so worried about her school work that she hadn't thought about her evening meditation. Chloe had skipped her usual nighttime routine for once, simply falling into bed with Beca following two hours later to find her tossing in bed with that horror filled expression etched into her features.

Though it was the please that got her. Really, she thought the song should be just for Chloe but this showed just how much she needed to hear it. Allowing the others to listen to a song Beca had crafted just for her. It made her heart warm.

Leaning forward a little, hands sliding easily into messy red hair, Beca pulled Chloe into a soft kiss. She didn't move to deepen it, simply putting everything she was feeling into the gentle press of her lips, letting the world and the rest of the people in the room melt away for one perfect moment. It was enough to daze Chloe, her eyes slightly unfocused as she smiled at her girlfriend as she moved her to sit in one of the chairs.

Beca grabbed her own chair, moving it to sit in front of Chloe a little, and then grabbed her acoustic guitar from the stash of equipment the boys had rolled in. Letting her hands trail over the blue finish, she sat and settled her chin on the curve of the guitar, almost reverently tweaking the tuning keys to get the sound just right. By the time she was finished with her gentle strumming, Beca had the attention of the entire room. They knew she could sing, knew she was the lead in the band, and knew she killed it with her mixed. This was new information for most of them, though, as Beca never usually played in front of them. The only ones not surprised were Chloe and the boys.

Ignoring the curious staring, Beca simply jumped into the song, strumming just as soft as she led into those carefully crafted lyrics. "_When she sleeps, there is a fever dream, yeah. It brings a night terror to harm this fragile bird. She speaks in tongues, her words they come undone, yeah. And with a wayward mind she struggles through the night._" Each note, each word was already drenched with enough emotion to send a tiny shock through the room. The Bellas knew how Beca performed with them but none had been to a gig yet, none of them saw how she was when she connected with her songs. "_All that I can do is hope she makes it through. Through the night, through the night._"

There was a tiny shaky breath from in front of her and Beca's eyes immediately sought Chloe's out, noticing the faint mist that was clouding them. "_These cold nightmares, they make her worse for wear. Lost in the dark, she's got a heavy heart, and when she wakes in her fragile state, Well, she calls my name hoping that I keep her safe_." A soft sniffle sounded from somewhere behind her, the offset sound of trembling breaths filling the area as she continued. Chloe was her focus, her entire world, and she felt a jolted sense of relief when Aubrey settled a steadying hand on her redhead's shoulder. Of course Aubrey knew what this was about and she knew exactly why Chloe had asked for it. Knew she needed to hear it, knew she wouldn't rest until she heard the song Beca had been working on for weeks to perfect.

"_But all, all that I can do is hope she makes it through. All the I can do is hope she makes it through. Through the night_!" There was a soft crack in Beca's voice as she repeated those soft lines, her emotion breaking through even more as the words tumbled out in three more through the nights. "_And all that I can do is hope she makes it through. All that I can do is hope she makes it through, through the night_."

The last notes of the song rang out into a silence broken only by trembling breaths and astonished sighs. Beca could hear someone behind them sniffling again, knowing it was one her sensitive bassist Bryce as he was no doubt wiping furiously at his eyes. Before her, though, she could see the tears behind held in by Aubrey and the ones freely rolling down Chloe's cheeks as she stared at Beca with a soft thankful if not completely awed expression on her face.

Her guitar was off her lap for no more than a second when it was replaced with an armful of trembling redhead, Beca easily catching her up with a gentle hum to calm her down.

"You wrote that for me? It was so beautiful." Even her voice was shaky as Chloe tried to voice her feelings, though no words seemed to be completely enough. "You made that night seem poetic, like it was worth something."

"Hey." Two fingers caught Chloe's chin gently so Beca could easily lock their eyes. "I learned something about you that night, saw how things could be, and even in that fear you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I was so scared and I felt so worthless, not knowing how to help and having to call Aubrey in just to figure out what to do to get things to be okay." Closing her eyes for a moment, Beca leaned into the warm hand Chloe immediately cradled her cheek in. "It started building, this song. A way to get my feelings out, try to voice the way I saw how you felt, and still make you have a way to see that night in a completely different light."

"Well it worked, I love it." Chloe delicately leaned the foreheads together, sighing when Beca tilted up just enough to give her a soft kiss. "I still can't believe I have my own song." That got her a light chuckle ticking her lips, brow drawing together in confusion before Beca explained.

"You're my muse, Red. Everything I write is for you."

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**So sorry an update took so long! Been in a bit of a dry space for these guys.. and writing period. Hopefully will be more into it again now! This is also kind of thrown together, as most of my chapters seem to be, so I hope you like it haha**

**The song used is Fragile Bird by City And Colour.**


	5. Chapter 5

**So I tend to have certain characters have night terrors or other similar things because I can easily write them and a lot of the characters I write I can see having these things happen to them. Normally, I have it be Beca who has these dreams but I decided to give them to Chloe in this. She seems like she'd learn how to keep a lid on them well but that, if she were to slip up, would need some pretty intense coaxing to come down from it. This is the night terror I mentioned in the previous chapter that sparked the song~**

**Also shout out to a favorite thing of mine down there at the end.**

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It was past midnight by the time Beca put down her books to climb into bed. Having spent the past few hours studying, she was completely spent. There was an exam that afternoon, thankfully she would have time to sleep in before going to class, and she had planned on going back over everything beforehand to make sure she knew as much as possibly. Beca hadn't planned on spending so long reading and then re-reading everything until her vision went blurry but that's how she found herself at that point.

Her girlfriend didn't have classes on Thursday but Chloe would end up working at some point, she was sure. Though she would also try to get her to sleep in as well, which seeing as she has slipped off to bed by ten shouldn't be much of an issue. Chloe had been working like crazy the past while, trying to get the twenty page essay due the following Tuesday done to perfection at least a day early to impress the hard-ass professor. Beca, for her part, simply tries to help as much as she could in between her own studies but she knew that school was once again keeping Chloe from sleeping. They were all sleep deprived, between classwork and the Bellas as well as Beca's band gigs for the two of them, but the redhead always seemed to be hit hardest from it all. Lack of sleep wouldn't bother her for a day or two but then she would crash, hard.

Beca glanced at the bedroom door with a warm but worried expression, knowing Chloe was in the middle of crashing as she finished getting her bag ready for her classes later that day. Her Chloe always worked so hard, only letting how much it affected her show through once she was alone with Beca. It was something that filled the brunette's heart to bursting, knowing that Chloe trusted her more than anyone, but it also meant she had to see the redhead have some of the worst crashes. Still, she'd never trade it for anything. She loved Chloe, more than she ever really thought she'd be able to love someone, and she would take every second, good and bad.

Shifting a hand through her hair, Beca flipped the top of her messenger bag closed. She was as ready as she'd ever be and more than ready to hop into bed with Chloe. After flipping the lights off and slipping through the bedroom door as quietly as possible, as well as changing into a baggy sleep shirt and boxers, she gently pulled back the blanket. Then Beca promptly froze.

Chloe was curled up in the middle of the bed, body tightly pulled up around Beca's pillow, and her face was twisted into an expression of fear. It sent Beca into a light shock, hands hovering without knowing what exactly to do, snapped out of it only when the redhead let out a soft whimper and curled even closer to the bed.

"Chloe?" Beca slid a little closer, gently setting her hand on a trembling shoulder and shaking lightly. "Baby, wake up. You're okay, Chloe, come on wake up." All she got in return was another whimper, louder this time, and a hand flailing slightly away from the pillow.

Not exactly knowing what to do, Beca jumped off the bed and flipped on the main light, hoping the sudden jolt might wake her up. It didn't get her much, just Chloe moving about on the bed more. Gnawing at her bottom lip, the brunette let out a slightly frustrated whimper of her own when the soft noises from the bed started turning into screams muffled slightly from the pillow Chloe was so tightly burrowed into.

Jumping back onto the bed, Beca tried anything she could think of from shaking the redhead to screaming to helplessly trying to beg her awake. Her heart nearly shattered when a sorrow filled whisper of her name escaped followed by a soft sob, tears slowly making their way down her cheeks.

Biting back her own tears, Beca grabbed at the bedside table until she was able to snatch Chloe's phone to dial Aubrey. It didn't take long for an irritated if not slightly worried voice to answer.

"Chloe Beale, why in the hell are you calling me at one in the morning? On a night you know I have class at nine no less!"

"Aubrey, it's Beca! I don't know.. Chloe's freaking out and I can't wake her up and you're her best friend so.. Do you know what to do? I don't know what to do. Aubrey, please!"

"Whoa! Beca, slow down and breathe for me." The soft, gentle tone that suddenly hit the blonde's voice settled Beca's racing heart a little as she tried to take deep breaths and listen. "Chloe's probably having a night-terror."

A little confused whimper was the response, Beca's eyes shooting over to her girlfriend shaking form, pulling Chloe's head onto her lap to see if it would help.

"She doesn't tell anyone about them because they don't happen often. They used to when she was little but now they only happen when she forgets to do that weird meditation stuff she does because of stress of lack of sleep." Aubrey's explanation was precise, as if she knew this night would come and she knew she'd have to be calm for Beca.

"Wh-What do I do?"

"You have to wake her up but be ready for her to start swinging. She'll try to lash out and she'll be pretty disoriented for a few minutes so you have to be ready to bring her down from that." There was a shaky inhale as Aubrey gently worded the next question. "Beca, do you want me to come help you?"

Swallowing hard, Beca's eyes trained on Chloe's face, a relieved smile tugging gently at her lips when her brow relaxed ever so slightly with her touch. "No. No, Aubrey, I have to do this. I gotta know how to do this for when it happens again."

"Good answer." There was a twinge of pride in her voice, letting Beca know she'd chosen the only real answer in Aubrey's books. "Get a glass of cold water and splash it on her face. Pour it if you have to, that always works to wake her up. Call me again if you need to, I'll stop by on my way to class to make sure neither of you are dead."

There was a click and Beca let herself blink at the phone for a second before turning to Chloe. Sighing deeply, she slipped the redhead back onto the pillow then sprinted to the bathroom to get some water. Beca hesitated when she reached the bed, not knowing how to go about it exactly. Dipping her fingers into the glass, she got enough water to fling onto Chloe's face.

The result was a twitch and a gasp but not much else. Taking a deep breath, Beca made a cup with her palm and poured a little into her hand, moving close and practically dumping the cool water onto her girlfriend's forehead.

That seemed to do the trick.

For her efforts, Beca received a fist straight to the side of her jaw as Chloe shot straight up in bed with her hands out and ready for a fight if need be. Her eyes were wide, wild, but still glazed over with sleep. It was obvious she wasn't completely awake yet, though clarity was coming to her face faster than Beca expected.

It wasn't quite fast enough as Chloe shot across the room, placing herself in the corner by the door and keeping her fist flying until she could curl back into herself. Following after her, one hand cradling her sore jaw, Beca settled down on her knees in front of the other girl, letting her hands slowly settle on her shoulders once her hands stopped jabbing out.

"Chloe, it's okay. It's just me, baby, it's just me. Come on, come back to me." Moving her touch,she let her fingers glide softly over her arms and then back up until she could hook two fingers under her chin, allowing Chloe's hazy gaze to lock with hers. "There you are. Come on, Red. Wake up, okay, wake up all the way. It'll be better if you do, I promise, just wake up for me." It was some sort of miracle that she kept from crying once again, her chin trembling slightly as she spoke. She could see it though, over the following seconds, how Chloe's gaze started to refocus and the soft whimpers she had been emitting silenced. Her brow furrowed in a way that if Beca hadn't been so worried she would have found it cute and then she gasped, eyes focused for a second before misting over.

"Beca." Chloe's voice was little more than a whisper, containing all the fear and sorrow she'd been feeling in her nightmare. She swallowed hard, chin trembling as tears fell freely, before launching herself at at the brunette, unable to contain herself any longer.

Beca easily caught her, cradling Chloe in close and peppering kisses all across her face. "Hey, shh, I'm here. It's alright, I'm not letting you go."

"You can't ever leave, okay? Never." There was a quiet desperation in her tone, hands clutching the brunette's shirt tightly.

"I'm not going anywhere, Red. I promise." Beca was a little confused but she was more than prepared to make that promise.

It took a few moments for Chloe to calm down enough for them to move but as soon as she did, Beca helped her back to bed. Laying on her back, she pulled her girlfriend tight into her arms, kissing the top of her head as she settled almost fully on top of her.

"You.. You left and I couldn't find you. I kept... So much happened, so many horrible things and I just couldn't find you." A shiver of dread shot through Chloe and Beca simply pulled her closer, tightening her hold as she tucked the blanket around them both. "I don't... I can't."

"Chloe, you don't have to tell me." The body on top of her relaxed even more, nodding before tucking her head into Beca's neck. "If you want to tell me later then okay, I'll listen, but I'm not going to force you to relive it right now just to settle some kind of curiosity."

There was a sniffle and then Chloe simply burrowed even closer, giving her neck a shaky little kiss. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, Red." Beca knew this wasn't okay, that this would bother Chloe through the night and probably for the following nights, but she wasn't going to let it ruin anything. "Want to hear a story?"

Blinking rapidly, Chloe lifted her head to shoot her a confused look, a tiny smile twitching her lips when she realized that her bad-ass lead singer was being her adorable self to make her feel better. "What kind of story?"

"Oh the best kind. One with a princess and a stable boy." Confusion turned to a beaming smile and it warmed Beca's heart immediately. "The Dread Pirate Roberts will make an appearance as well as some fearsome rodents of unusual size. Love and loss, good triumphs over evil, and it's a tale very dear to your heart, I'm sure."

"Can we watch it? Or are you going to read it?" Chloe's eyes were so excited that Beca couldn't help but chuckle.

She wasn't a fan of movies and, of course, Chloe preferred the movie over the book. "We can watch it and I will say Wesley's lines to you the entire time."

"You have to promise. I want you to quote it and mean it, Beca. It has to be perfect or else I'll never be able to get any sleep as that will bother me so much."

The fact that Chloe seemed able to place her forgetting to quote lines over the memory of her dream brought a grin to Beca's face. Shaking her head, she kissed the corner of Chloe's mouth. "As you wish."


	6. Chapter 6

**Trigger warning: mentions of self harm.**

**Sorry updates on all my fics are taking so long, it's been a while since I just sat down to write these chapters out. Gonna try to get them out to you guys a little better now that I'm settled into my new place and my new job.**

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There was a way that Beca looked at herself in the mirror that simply broke Chloe's heart. She had known about it ever since they met, easily catching the glances Beca would shoot any surface she could see herself in. Anytime Bec would frown slightly if the binder didn't keep his chest down enough for his liking. It tore her up inside that there was really no way she could ease her lovers thoughts on her body or the fact that Beca never seemed completely comfortable as her or Bec. There was always a thin wall keeping the brunette from complete comfort. All Chloe wanted to do was to shatter that block but she knew it was up to Beca to do so.

When Chloe wandered into the apartment that evening, classes over for a long weekend and Aubrey off to visit family until the return of classes on Tuesday, she was prepared to curl up with Beca on the couch to relax until the gig the next evening which was the only plan they had for their lazy weekend. So walking into a quiet apartment, no TV on and no music shaking the walls, Chloe was immediately worried. Beca was not known for being quiet, the only time Chloe knew her to be silent was when they were sleeping. She loved to sing quietly to her even in the quiet of the dark or to the tune of the shower raining against the tiles. It was something Chloe loved about her, the constant music or monologue, so the sudden silence was startling.

"Beca?" She walked into the living room, kicking her shoes off to the side. "Bec?" When she received no answer to either name, she moved towards the bedroom in the hopes that Beca was simply napping or had gone out for a few moments. Her mouth quirked down a little when she realized the room was empty but the bathroom door was pushed open, light spilling into the dim room from the opening. Her heart sank when she peeked inside.

Beca was staring at herself in the mirror, binder on but wearing the boy shorts she normally wore when she was feeling more feminine. A deep frown was marring her face, eyes red rimmed as if she'd been crying, and her hands were flexing at her side as if she didn't know which part to push or pull at first. Chloe watched as Beca swallowed hard, blinking as if to break a spell just as one hand moved up to trace over her chest. The brunette winced when she could feel where the binder couldn't quite hide her breasts unless she would wear a shirt over it, something she wished it wouldn't do. Sometimes Beca wanted to wear her binder like a second skin, walk around the house in just boxers while in a masculine state of mind. The redhead caught the way she bit her lip before she wiggled out of the constricting material, staring hard at her now nude torso. Normally she would wear a sports bra under the binder to help but this time it seemed she was more about looking at her body, picking herself apart one brick at a time. Chloe's quiet resolve cracked when Beca's expression turned torn and a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Baby." Chloe's voice was gentle, though Beca still started a little at the sudden sound, and she moved forward slowly. Beca didn't try to move away, looking confused and in a deep rooted kind of pain, but she didn't stop it when Chloe settled a hand on her cheek. "What are you doing, B?"

Jaw working under Chloe's warm hand, Beca tried to come up with an answer. Really, she'd just been getting ready for a shower when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Then she kept putting the binder on, taking it off, switching her underwear, trying to find the right match. Nothing seemed to fit and it just sent a pang of hurt so deep she couldn't bring herself out of it. It nearly broke her once more when Chloe's free hand went about gently tracing the scars that littered her skin, caressing them in an almost reverent fashion.

"Were you thinking about doing this again? Needing this again?"

The words broke through. In truth, it had crossed her mind. To bring the physical pain, the wash of relief that came with seeing her blood and feeling human, feeling somewhat in control of herself. Being the one to place the battle wounds for the world to breathe upon, to keep the secrets hidden under her clothing so the pain would remind her that she'd conquered that day without dying. That the internal scars, now outside, didn't wreck her. She hadn't needed to wear those cuts like armor since Chloe came into her life, didn't feel the need to mark her skin with her battles for months, but it wasn't something that went away so easily. Chloe helped but in truth, she'd thought about it each time she looked into the mirror like this. Each time Chloe would settle that warm touch to her skin like a comforting blanket, she'd saved her from that knife. This time, she'd saved her once again, coming home in time to keep her from breaking down. It wasn't easy, it was a craving she'd never really lose, but Chloe made it better.

It was when Chloe traced her finger over the latest scar, the lightest cut she'd ever done that had happened just a month ago after a bad crowd had drunkenly pushed her over the edge before the bar kicked them out. It was the only show Chloe couldn't make it to, the only one they'd planned to meet up after instead of the whole show, and she'd almost broken. Swallowing a little, Beca turned her head into Chloe's hand, wanting to hide thought she knew the redhead wouldn't let her run away. "I did without realizing it I think."

The crack in Beca's voice, the way she looked like she might just fall to her knees and sob any second, had Chloe tugging her into her arms. Her lover went willingly, breaking down as soon as Chloe scooped her up to carry her to the bed. Pressing a kiss to the top of Beca's head, Chloe settled against the headboard, brunette cuddled up on her lap. She ran a soothing hand along her back, peppering her face with gentle kisses.

Once Beca had calmed down a little, the brunette snuggling her head into Chloe's neck while the arms around her tightened, Chloe let herself relax a little. Beca wasn't okay, she knew she wasn't, but this was far from the worst. This was one of the easier breakdowns she'd helped Beca through and, to her, it was progress. The first time she'd tried to help Beca like this, she'd gotten screamed at and Beca had closed herself off for a week before letting her back in.

"It's going to be okay, B. I've got you, we're working through it and you've been doing so good, baby. You're going to have these days, though, you're going to have those mirror days." Chloe had been going with Beca to her therapist for the past few weeks, happy to be able to help in anyway since Beca had finally admitted to going to a therapist for quite a while. Apparently, Beca had made the most progress since opening up to her and that fact warmed her heart. She really did seem to help, being there for Beca so she didn't just bottle it up until she exploded.

Chloe's voice did wonders for her, especially since she let her start going to therapy as well. Soon, Beca was slumped in her arms, emotionally exhausted. The redhead slid down until they were laying down, Beca shifting to snuggle up as close as possible. "You make it better, Chloe, you make everything so much clearer."

"I try to help, B. I'll do anything I can, you know that."

Beca smiled, tucking her head unto Chloe's chest with a yawn when the blanket was tucked around her. "You do everything and more, Red. You're my serendipity."

"I love you, B." Chloe smiles softly into her hair, pressing another soft kiss to Beca's temple.

"I love you too, Chloe, I love you more than I can ever say."


End file.
